Upgrade or Downgrade?
Yesterday was the holiday party at my office -not to be confused with the holiday party at our managing prinicpal's home on Friday. Yesterday our party was just for the admin. staff (no boys allowed). The party started with some VERY strong margaritas (at 2pm, mind you...) and ended with a Yankee Swap of sorts. The $6-8 gift that I purchased was a set of 3 tall, narrow bottles of fancy olive oils and vinegar for cooking/looking nice. The gift that I recieved was two bars of soap that look remarkably like rocks:
Did I benefit from this trade? You be the judge. Keep in mind that they REALLY look like real rocks!!
Oh, Christmas Tree...
Today I added "assemble and decorate Christmas tree" to my list of official duties as Office Facilitator. Yes, I have a list.
I took a few CameraPhone pictures to document the events, but my descretionary use of the camera left out some crucial details. I'll try to fill in as necessary so you get the full effect of my 2 day ordeal with The Tree.
Step 1: Reminded boss 4-6 times that she said she'd "drag out the tree" for me to decorate.
Step 2: Ignored large boxes in lobby labeled "Christmas Tree" and "X-mas" for at least two days. (I had to look really busy during these days and I got more papercuts, however- it was worth it.)
Step 3: Piled poorly labeled tree branches into stacks of similar sizes. Color coding that is 5+ years old is difficult to decipher. I was surprised at this point to learn that fake trees shed as much as real ones, and are just as itchy to deal with.
Setp 4: Put the center pole into the "tree stand" and started adding branches. I did this twice incorrectly. First I had the whole center pole upside down and the branches were really wobbly. After righting the pole, I still managed to arrange the branches so that they were getting wider towards the top instead of narrower. Finally, I got it right, just in time for lunch. It looked like this for the rest of the day:
"That tree looks really sad so many ways" -Ed the Lawyer
Step 5: Because I was snowed into my house on Friday and have no paid time off until January, I have 8 hours to make up before the end of the year. Awesome. I used one of those hours to mess with the tree after work. In this hour I managed to fluff it a little, add some lights, put on a tree skirt (not on me, on the tree), set up some cutie stuffed animals in leiu of gifts, and break the tree stand. The tree fell over at least 5 times in one hour. No one was in the office except for one man making phone calls in the conference room while watching me fight with the tree. Thanks, Wes, you're a big help. I left the tree precariously balanced with fake needles stuck in my sweater and hair.
Step 6: I found the tree lying on its side this morning. The tree skirt was all desheveled and the stuffed snowman and teddybear elf were trapped underneath. It was horrific. Too shocking to capture on film.
Step 7: I took off the tree stand and "mended" it with the best Sagemark has to offer. Cheap Staples packing tape. Stood the tree up again, leaving the rest of the crime scene untouched. "Did you get frustrated and throw the stuffed animals at the tree?" -Jeanne, one of my bosses. She was closer to the truth than she knew...
Step 8: I used every single ornament and bow from the box marked "X-Mas." Perhaps I should have been wary when I opened it and the inside flap had been previously labeled "Trash." The huge white blob at the top is actually a ridiculously enormous bow made of pearescent white ribbon. How could I say no?
"Wow, we really pulled out all the stops. I thought I was at Macy's for a second!" -My other boss, very sarcastically...
All in all I think I spent 3 hours on the tree (not counting the ignoring stage of Step 2). I'm super excited to get to take it down again, pack it up, and pretend that I didn't break it in 2 weeks.
Happy Holidays from Lincoln Financial/Sagemark!
courant.com | Hoax Case Turned On Court Docket
Picture this:
I'm in the lunchroom/kitchennette, I'm about to take another bite of my Reuben sandwhich and I start crying. Why? Because I was laughing. Why? Because of the first two paragraphs of this story from the Hartford Courant by Hilda Munoz, and Roberto Gonzalez (Courant Staff Writers.) I tried to read about Lieberman's new 'War Cabinet' but I just couldn't get into it. This one had me at "Hoax":
"Javier Rodriguez didn't want to drive to Superior Court in Danielson last Friday morning - his driver's license had been suspended. And he had already been convicted five times of failing to appear in court.
So instead of risking another arrest, he told police, he called in a series of bomb threats."
WHAT?! That's AWESOME. Roberto and Hilda used such great comedic timing in this front page piece that they deserve Dundees. The article goes on (if you really feel that you need to learn more about this case, although I think we all know how it ends) to say:
"Now Rodriguez, who was originally pulled over because of a problem with his
license plate, faces 81 years behind bars."
Because of this man's tactful procrastination technique, all (not just the 4 he called with threats) of the courthouses in the state of Connecticut were evcacuated and closed on Friday.
I'm wondering what kind of regretful, foot-in-mouth, "If I Could Turn Back Time" moments come up while being heald for $250,000 bail.
"Rodriguez, of 109 Union St., Willimantic, is charged with four counts each of terrorism, first-degree threatening, falsely reporting an incident and second-degree harassment. He is charged with a single count of criminal attempt to commit larceny by extortion, for allegedly demanding $1.5 million during one of the calls."
... because when you realize that you'll be needing to flee the country in a few hours, it's nice to have a little spending cash.
Trumped
We have a company-wide hard drive with individual folders. Sometimes people just save things without putting it in their own folder. This gives me licence to snoop and read all files of interest.I stumbled upon this gem:November 4, 2005
Mr. Donald Trump
The Trump Group
200 West 57th Street
New York, NY 10019
Dear Mr. Trump:
I have been an admirer of yours since I stopped playing with dolls and started paying attention to successful businesses and their leaders. As a course of natural events I have become an avid devotee of The Apprentice.
And now the other shoe drops – last night’s show has left me not only with a very bad taste in my mouth but also with great disappointment. There is no question that you should have fired not only Markus but Josh as well. What a disgraceful performance. It’s hard to separate which of his statements were more offensive and certainly his
antiSemitic remark left no doubt he should be dismissed. I’m sure some of his best friends are …. – fill in the blank.
I couldn’t ignore my frustration and only hope that next week we will see Josh fall on his face once again leaving you absolutely no choice.
Sincerely,
[Ms. Hyde]
I have no words.
thumbs down.
The damn post that I just wrote for 10 min is GONE. Oh Bill Gates... I hate you and your confusing way of opening pop-up windows in other open windows of Explorer.boo.*** update: the post was always there. no, really - i think i should look into anger management***
