Thursday, January 04, 2007


Adventures with Abe is officially on a Hiatus.

Perhaps I should have decided that sometime in late October... regardless - go here instead.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

All I want is what is what is coming to me... All I want is my fair share.

When we worked at summer camp, Dominique and I used to supplement our extremely meager incomes (no really... it was a sweatshop on a lake) with articles of clothing and snack treats from the camp store right next to the Hut. My "bonuses" included various polar fleece items, a hat (with earflaps no less), at least one sweatshirt, numerous child size shirts, and enough Cherry Coke, Nestle Crunch Bars and m&m's to open a small store that only sells Cherry Coke, Nestle Crunch Bars and m&m's.

Abe was supposed to give me a bonus last month, but instead - I got a smaller increase in workload. Don' t ask me about it, I'll just get angry(-er). My purse is now filled with post-it's and nice pens. These Lincoln mugs are looking pretty nice - it would be nice to have a matching set. They don't have Cherry Coke here in the Client's Only fridge - but CocaCola Classic is a fine substitute when free.

My surroundings change, but I stay the same.

Friday, October 06, 2006

I can't let this go...

It's been a while - I know. I think I'm getting a new job. No announcements until decisions have been made.

Anyways - a guy from my office who has questionable sexuality (and a wife who looks like maybe she was a he at one point...) came into my cubicle today. This is not relevant to the story - just try to hear it all in an oddly effeminate voice, and with every sentence ending with the word, "okay." I used to have small talk with him when I worked at the front desk, but honestly - that was my job then. Now my job is to put my head down and power through the loads of crap that come my way.

So there I was, head down, not even staring longingly towards the kitchen or exit, when he came and stood at the entrance of my cubicle. He said "You will probably get a kick out of this..."

Now - usually stories that start like that involve places I've been to (Seattle, Cancun), popular television shows I'm known to enjoy (The Office, Lost), or general interests.

"You will probably get a kick out of this, my son is in New York..."

OK, I used to go to New York a few times a month. Sure, it's a popular place with many sights and things to do. Even a lot of my favorite TV shows are based in New York (if you work in an office you know that TV, like Pope John Paul II, is the Great Unifier - look it up.)

"You will probably get a kick out of this, my son is in New York at a
Star Trek auction."

WHAT?! No kicks here. None.

What did he see in me that made me think that I like Star Trek? I've never talked about it at work, ever. I'm too young to have ever really enjoyed it while it was on TV or in theaters and C'mon - I'm cool! (No offense JK...) Maybe his son is my age and all of his friends are Trekkies (Trekkers?). But this only solidifies the fact that I don't really know this man very well - why would he stop to talk to me about Star Trek - at length?

Apparently my eyes glazing over and me glancing towards the aforementioned kitchen and exits didn't register with him. He listed off almost everything that is up for auction and their ridiculous price tags. His son brought $1,000 and "probably won't even come home with a paperclip." Then I was regaled with stories about how you can bid at the auction, you can bid by phone OR on the internet! It's just like every other store in America, only you can't use credit cards. The worst part was that while sharing this "great" and "interesting" story, he was leaning on my cubicle wall. He was not just signifying that the story was going to be long, so he'd have to be comfortable - but also blocking my only exit.

Finally it was over, and I escaped to the ladies room. On my way I stopped to check my mail - today, consisting only of a
Highlights magazine.

I'm a 4 year old trekkie.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


Bob is working from home today and the office is unbearably quiet. To top it all off, no one in the office thinks I'm funny.

To Microsoft Outlook! (note the quick response time)

From: Laura X
Sent: Wednesday, July 19, 2006 3:49 PM
To: Robert J
Subject: important news

Christie Brinkley’s husband Peter Cook, had an affair with an 18 year-old. I’m pretty sure she’s kicking herself for keeping the Total Gym™ at home for him in the rec room. Clearly, it worked better than she had anticipated.

In related news, Chuck Norris’s newfound devotion to Jesus won’t stop him from sending a prayer and a roundhouse kick to Cook. As the tattoo on his Norris’ enormous left calf states “If you mess with Brinkley, you’re messing with me.”



From: Robert J.
Sent: Wednesday, July 19, 2006 3:56 PM
To: Laura X
Subject: RE: important* news

Thanks for the update.

There is no such thing as TMI when it comes to Christie and Chuck. But are you sure that Chuck’s tattoo doesn’t refer to David Brinkley of NBC news fame. Chuck is a bona fide news junkie as evidenced by the socially conscious messages delivered via Walker, Texas Ranger.

Sorry I can’t do additional research now to contribute meaningfully to this dialogue. But I’ll keep my eyes peeled.

Friday, June 30, 2006


Bob and I have been making Brazillian Soccer Names (Abe is Lincimo.) We probably played with it for 15 min straight this morning. We'd do everyone's name in all different combinations. For example - Bob calls me Flounder because of Dorfman in Animal House. So we did Laura K, Laura Laura, Laura Dorfman, Laura Flounder, Flounder Flounder, etc... a whole morning - gone to pot. It was fun and games until Bob's came up as "Bildo."

What's your Brazilian Soccer Name? My "real" one is Kingstinhosa Pau. Although Dorfman Dorfman translates to Dorfmaca. Bob says, "That one's a keeper - get it?? Keeper??"

Monday, June 26, 2006

No, I didn't die

a. Ch-ch-ch-changes...
Since our heartless corporate buy-out of Jefferson Pilot, a few changes have been going on. Many offices around the country have been or will be closing shortly. Departments are being moved from one coast to the other. The new company motto is "hello, future." We got really nice Leed's pens that say so. Hello, future - do you have any money you could lend me now that I have no job? Hello, future - can I call you in 25 years when I'm ready to retire and my 401(k) is all muddled from buy-outs and company changes? OK good, we'll talk then. Also, the branches that have been going through the most change now, had icecream parties the week that they announced the merger. Mental note: if Abe Lincoln (or any dead president for that matter) offers you a #1 bar, run the other way!

b. The ex is gone.
I have mixed feelings about this one. Along with the aforementioned changes, we have (gasp!) new e-mail addresses. We are now officially Without the X, I think my electronic communication has lost some gusto. My boss still calles me Lex, which ads some whimsy to memos that I sign I guess. Oh impersonal place filler, I know we were only friends because my name was unconventional, but I will miss you all the same.

c. Junk mail of the month:

SanFrancisco? Flowers in hair.
Sheboygan? Lure in pocket.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Raining... Pouring... Snoring...

Last night there were pretty extreme thunderstorms rolling through central Connecticut. When I got off the highway this morning, power was still out at the first intersection I encountered. That got my hopes up for a electricity-free (thus work-free) day. No such luck. Lincon soldiers on. We probably have a special generator in the basement that burns $1, $5, and $10 bills that our financial planners find pesky and worthless.





It seems that around these parts, things are loud, bustling, and stressfull or in a coma. There is no in between.

Today, the most exciting thing I did was read an article about the last organ grinder (w/monkey) in the tri-state area. Thanks, Hartford Courant, you really know how to lighten up a dreary day. At least it is Friday and hopefully downtown Hartford will have something fun to offer me after work.

Enjoy your weekend!