Oh, Christmas Tree...
Today I added "assemble and decorate Christmas tree" to my list of official duties as Office Facilitator. Yes, I have a list.I took a few CameraPhone pictures to document the events, but my descretionary use of the camera left out some crucial details. I'll try to fill in as necessary so you get the full effect of my 2 day ordeal with The Tree.
Step 1: Reminded boss 4-6 times that she said she'd "drag out the tree" for me to decorate.
Step 2: Ignored large boxes in lobby labeled "Christmas Tree" and "X-mas" for at least two days. (I had to look really busy during these days and I got more papercuts, however- it was worth it.)
Step 3: Piled poorly labeled tree branches into stacks of similar sizes. Color coding that is 5+ years old is difficult to decipher. I was surprised at this point to learn that fake trees shed as much as real ones, and are just as itchy to deal with.
Setp 4: Put the center pole into the "tree stand" and started adding branches. I did this twice incorrectly. First I had the whole center pole upside down and the branches were really wobbly. After righting the pole, I still managed to arrange the branches so that they were getting wider towards the top instead of narrower. Finally, I got it right, just in time for lunch. It looked like this for the rest of the day:
"That tree looks really sad so many ways" -Ed the Lawyer
Step 5: Because I was snowed into my house on Friday and have no paid time off until January, I have 8 hours to make up before the end of the year. Awesome. I used one of those hours to mess with the tree after work. In this hour I managed to fluff it a little, add some lights, put on a tree skirt (not on me, on the tree), set up some cutie stuffed animals in leiu of gifts, and break the tree stand. The tree fell over at least 5 times in one hour. No one was in the office except for one man making phone calls in the conference room while watching me fight with the tree. Thanks, Wes, you're a big help. I left the tree precariously balanced with fake needles stuck in my sweater and hair.
Step 6: I found the tree lying on its side this morning. The tree skirt was all desheveled and the stuffed snowman and teddybear elf were trapped underneath. It was horrific. Too shocking to capture on film.
Step 7: I took off the tree stand and "mended" it with the best Sagemark has to offer. Cheap Staples packing tape. Stood the tree up again, leaving the rest of the crime scene untouched. "Did you get frustrated and throw the stuffed animals at the tree?" -Jeanne, one of my bosses. She was closer to the truth than she knew...
Step 8: I used every single ornament and bow from the box marked "X-Mas." Perhaps I should have been wary when I opened it and the inside flap had been previously labeled "Trash." The huge white blob at the top is actually a ridiculously enormous bow made of pearescent white ribbon. How could I say no?
"Wow, we really pulled out all the stops. I thought I was at Macy's for a second!" -My other boss, very sarcastically...
All in all I think I spent 3 hours on the tree (not counting the ignoring stage of Step 2). I'm super excited to get to take it down again, pack it up, and pretend that I didn't break it in 2 weeks.
Happy Holidays from Lincoln Financial/Sagemark!
posted by LauraDorf @ 3:17 PM
2 Comments:
Happy Holidays? I really hope you mean "Merry Christmas." I know plenty of Lutherans (your friends from a former life) who would be quite offended at your brazen disregard for Christian terminology. Have Fox and Bill O'Reilly taught you nothing? I'm guessing you ignored the ban on Wal-Mart as well.
Hope all is well.
Your offended non-Lutheran but still Christian friend,
Junior
Youw pwobabwy wight...
1. i have never learned ANYTHING from bill o'reilly and/or fox
2. i think i've been banning wal-mart for the past year or so due to my fears crowds, screaming children and constantly coughing fat ladies with walkers
3. merry christmas from me to you.
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