This Just In
Incessant complainer finds "lost" check in ridiculous stacks of paper on her desk. Young, new employee praised for correctly following procedure. New employee's ego boosted by constant thoughts of "I am SO much better than you in oh so many ways," and "I told you so!" Said incessant complainer (aka. bitch) must now follow the same rules as everyone else in the office.
The people rejoice.
Because you can't, you won't, and you don't... STOP!
That's right, I'm pretty sure that I'm being Sabotaged. Here's my evidence:
Tuesday, January 23rd 10am: I am accused of not bringing all of the Fed Ex packages down to the drop box, causing missed deadlines and general panicking.
My rebuttal: All but two of the packages were brought down - why would I have left two in the bin? And the two I "forgot" were in the middle of the pile. I'm not usually that choosy when grabbing a stack of packages that I could take the first few, move some aside, take the rest and then place the packages I left aside back in the bin. Also, after I had scooped up the packages, a coworker saw the empty bin and wanted to know if I had brought everything down, I said "not yet" and added hers to the pile in my arms. This also provides me with a witness of the empty bin.
Friday, January 27th 1pm: More accusations, from the SAME SOURCE, stating that I had lost a $20,000 check.
My rebuttal: As I explained earlier this week, our check logging system is pretty sound except a certain (accusation-friendly) woman in the office does not have to sign for her checks. Because she doesn't sign for them, apparently it is my responsibility when SHE looses track of a check because she "doesn't know what [I] did with the check after I copied it." I'll tell her exactly what I did. I followed the (albeit shoddy for her) procedure of placing it back with it's original paperwork and putting it in her mailbox. I'll also add that she has lost paperwork before. Also, due to the prior accusation, she was having a pretty panicky day, maybe her head wasn't in the game.
Friday, January 27th 2:30pm: Said accuser asks why I gave her all of the wrong mail. But not in a nice way, in a "Uh, didn't you mean to give
this to Denise? (holding up a rather large stack of papers).
My rebuttal: The fact that she grabbed the wrong damn mail and after realizing it was all (yes ALL) for another person, instead of checking the mailboxes again, she came to my desk to bitch at me. HONESTLY, WTF?!
My biggest frustration is that no one else in the office has come to me with these issues. No one else has any reason to say that I'm not trustworthy. Why would I always make mistakes to her downfall? Why would I only lose her things? Christ, I am ready for a drink.
On a MUCH lighter note - My replacement is coming in on Monday to start a week of training with me, and I will start my new job on February 6th. (YESSSSSAAAH!) Which means a bigger paycheck, yet a bigger boat load of problems to sort out, I'm sure. But I'm more than ready for the change in scenery.
Also, might not have computer access next week - so be patient.
Are you new?
The check policy at our office goes like this. Any checks that come in are photocopied by me. Whoever the check was intended for gets a photocopy, I keep the original. I record the information from the check (date I got it, check #, amount, etc.) in a Check Log. When the planners want their checks, they come to me to sign the log and take them. This has a few exceptions, if a planner (or anyone) gets a check made out to them, then they just get it - no red tape. If you are Ms. Hyde, for some reason, you are excluded from most rules of the office because of your persistant whining, and I take a copy but give you the original, Bitch.
This has been the procedure since I started. More accurately, this has been the procedure since August 18th, a date I reference in the "Hey, you've got a copy of a check. Come get it" e-mail I send.
There is a woman in our office (the one who was "glad that I had a boyfriend") who seems to look down on most things that others do. All of the administrative staff are "the little people" and she speaks to us in a different tone of voice. Me, especially, probably because I look like I'm twelve. She is so out of touch with everything that is not her clients that today, when she signed for a check (something she has her assistant do) she said to me "Oh, well I guess we have a new policy!" I didn't know what to say, so I just looked at her for a minute. She looked at me, eager to learn about the new changes in her surroundings. So I said "Well, no.... um, not since I've been here..." and pretended to be busy with filing crap. To which she responded with a gasp-laugh-sh "W-e-l-l..."
Later in the day I overheard her talking to another one of the assistants about hiring someone. Her Royal Highness had just hired another assistant- for marketing. The woman she was talking to had been working with the woman who gave me (and my family) a horrible cough and then quit about a month ago after working here for about a year.
HRH: Oh, well why are you looking for someone new?
Assistant: T really needs more than one assistant, I have been struggling for the last month by myself, I'm at wit's end.
HRH: What about that other nice lady... what was her name? [keep in mind they had worked together for a YEAR]. She had a problem with her face, right?
Assistant: Um, Diana? [Who was neither overtly nice, nor ladylike] She had an allergic reaction to something she ate I guess. Oh, she went back to her previous job at the end of December.
HRH: Huh. I thought she was out sick.
Out sick? Since 2005? The fact that she doesn't know how to use the fax, copy, or postage machine has now been explained. Get your head out of the clouds!
Town of Chevy Chase
I received mail postmarked
here and thought it was a joke.
Annual Kick-off Meeting...
Drunk by 2.
Bowling at 3:30.
Happy Friday!!
I speak for the trees?
A few weeks ago I shared (complained about) the fact that my middle name is now X. Lincoln assigned me a phantom middle initial because in reality, I have none.
There was a Laura already working here in the office when I arrived. Apparently, to my luck, Sagemark hadn't realized that their Laura Quota was already full. (Sagemark should also rethink their Peter, Ed, and Sue Quotas because more than 2 of each is getting re-Goddamn-diculous.) I digress... To distinguish myself from Other Laura who is sometimes referred to by her "friends" as The Ugly Laura, Dumb Laura, Old Laura, etc. (which is cruel, but funny), I have been referring to myself as "Laura X." It's fun, it sounds sneaky, and I like signing things LXK - not to mention the badass persona it conveys.
It was not until I scribbled a "LauraX" at the bottom of a Post-It today that I realized the uncanny resemblance to this guy:
Aww... MAN! Now I will be associated with this tree-hugging, granola-eating, certainly never-showering mustachioed Lorax.
Meanwhile, I made approximately 34,543,490 copies today, threw out 904,218 envelopes that said "Reduce paper pile-up! Request on-line statements!" and recycled NOTHING.
WPD Blue
a. I apologize for the huge lapse in coverage. I have been (sometimes literally) buried in statements: weekly, monthly, quarterly... You name it. I copy it, distribute, and file it.b. Word on the street is that I have a new job. That street is covered in truth. I have gotten a promotion of sorts, I'll be moving into the back of the office (yessss) to assist a small group of planners. This means I can:listen to whatever music/cd's I wantmaybe take an hour lunchbe flexible with my work hoursleave at 3 or 4 on Fridaysmaybe have an inappropriate wallpaper on my PCc. Windsor 911 called me on Friday. They said that someone was calling repeatedly from our phone number and then just hanging up. I said that I would walk around to make sure no one was on the floor. The woman was not amused. I hung up with her and did walk around - I told other people what I was looking for. Everyone else laughed (take THAT, Mean Operator, I am funny even in inappropriate situations). Not long after my safety lap, a police officer stopped by. I told him that I had walked around made sure no phones were off the hook or dialing weird things. I told him that my hypothesis was that someone had dialed "9-1-1-then a number" instead of "9-1-number" on the fax machine, and because someone was picking up at their end, the fax kept restarting. He looked skeptical. Then I told him he could take a look around if he wanted. I guess I didn't look like I was hiding a body under my desk, because he left.After the police stopped by, I took it upon myself to interrogate people in the office. I asked two of the planners with senses of humor -in a very serious tone- if they had been dialing 9-1-1 from their cubicles to get attention. Bob instantly confessed to dialing 9-1-1 by accident from his cell phone instead of 4-1-1 last week. "How did you know? I think I hung up before the call connected. Even if it did, they can't find me. I was driving." Eric on the other hand dismissed my accusation immediately. I was worried that he took offense until he said, while leaning in, "Who's the FREAK!?" We agreed it was probably Bob.I heard nothing else from the authorities and/or local news media, so I guess everything turned out for the best after we left for the weekend.
Liar, liar - pants ablaze.
So today is the day when they test the fire alarms. The building manager came in and warned me that the alarms would go of 2 - 3 times in the next half hour. ASPA, I told my boss who then sent a voice mail to everyone in the office, telling them not to evacuate/panic. She should have also mentioned that they shouldn't be babies about it.
The first time the alarm went off, about 5 minutes after the voice mail was left, I took a walk through the office, assuming that no one had gotten the voice mail. Only one guy got up to leave. I told him it was just a test, he went back to his cubicle, although he didn't look convinced. Why would I make something like that up? At least he almost believed me.
There was a training session going on, and I knew they hadn't gotten the message, so I waited outside the door for people to come rushing out in panic, or just calmly walking out, or to acknowledge the fact that there was an alarm sounding. Nothing. It was not until the third time the alarm went off that they all came rushing by my desk. I told them it was just a test, and they looked annoyed. I hope that they had assumed it all along and not just wanted to get through one more thing on the agenda before evacuating. I offered to bring in coffees, they weren't interested.
Three people left the building. Not from fear, from the lack of ability to suck it up. One, upon leaving, grumbled "this is absolutely ridiculous." Personally, I'd rather hear a loud buzz in 3 minute bursts once a month then be burnt to a crisp. But that's just me.
I do prefer the leaving to the people who sat at their desks trying to plug their ears while performing office tasks. In order to do anything, one must either plug one ear with your hand and the other by putting your ear on your shoulder, or you need to utilize your elbows as hands. It's amusing to watch, but oh so unproductive. You're probably better off going to Starbucks.
I am 16, going on 17...
No rash. But I have a sore throat. How in the hell?Also, Ms. Hyde will not be at work tomorrow. Guess why, no guess...Well, it's not related to planning her daughter's wedding. Her poor mislead daughter, who thought that getting engaged would get her mother OFF her back, gets called 2-3 times daily with wedding suggestions/ideas.It's not to buy a new mug - hers miraculously resurfaced.It's not to make ANOTHER angry sign (I don't remember if I shared the strongly-worded note plastered all over the building threatening the person who was stealing our Hartford Courant.)........drumroll........She's getting her braces off!!!I would buy her gum and taffy, but I'm sure that would blow up in my face somehow creating a sticky mess.
ASPA!
So - after a 4.5 day weekend, I'm wrapping up my first day at Lincoln in 2006. This year has been going pretty well so far. It was "too snowy to drive" yesterday, so my driving partner and I (she's a gem) decided to stay home, and just come in early for a while to make up the time. Today I realized that the way to make my days here go faster is to let the work pile up. We closed the office at 2 on Friday (sweet!) and I missed yesterday so I actually had things to do today. I even had to make a To-Do list! One of the things I had to get to today was to sort through a whole pile of "Postage Due" statements from the post office. Usually I get one or two per day, hand delivered by the mail-person, but this month - for some reason - we got a whole stack in the mail on December 30th. I had to sort through them all and assign the postage to specific people's accounts blah blah blah... but when I got to the last one, it had a sticky note that said "Please Pay ASPA!" I love it.Events that are unfolding:#1. A woman who just quit left work today with a ridiculous rash. Last time she was sick, it was a cough and I caught it. I hope that my skin stays safe.#2. I am working on setting up a primary care physician for myself (since I haven't had a doctor since I was 17.) In related news, I hope that 5 year-old medical records will be suitable to be transfer to the new lady.
