Adventures with Abe

Notable Conversations

Thursday
Me: "Hey Bob, where have you been" -at this point he is calling on his cell phone, he has already missed one meeting with a client.
Bob: "I've been at my daughter's school all morning, she got in some trouble today."
Me: "So, are you on your way to the office?"
Bob: "Well - I'd much rather stay here with all the high school girls..."

posted by LauraDorf @ 1:09 PM 0 comments

Approx. 3,544,783

That’s how many papercuts I have.  I literally get at LEAST one new one every day, if not two or three.  As if I didn’t love copying and filing hundreds of account statements enough already.  The worst ones are between my fingers, you know this.  Once I’ve got one (or two) there, no matter what I do with my hands it will sting.  I used to love pickles….

Somehow I have one on the inside of my wrist today.  I don’t remember trying to kill myself; however that seems like something I’d try to block out.

OK – I said the worst ones are between my fingers, but now I’ve reconsidered.
If…
-I get a papercut,
-don’t feel it right away,
-bleed EVERYWHERE,
-notice it,
-once noticed it hurts,
-like hell
-clean up aforementioned blood from everywhere.

That is the worst.

posted by LauraDorf @ 3:39 PM 1 comments

Chotchki Update

I now have a compass from a company that states that it will “point you in the right direction for your growing heathcare needs.”

posted by LauraDorf @ 2:13 PM 1 comments

3rd Grade Humor II

People on staff:

Gassman
Wang

posted by LauraDorf @ 9:46 AM 1 comments

Top of the mornin'

Yesterday I couldn't post. I was (get this) too busy. Mostly it was all of the mail from the "three-day-weekend" that was slowing me down. 2 things:

1. I work for financial advisors and consultants, these people work for banks and other lending companies. These companies want to get their hands on all of the money that CT has to offer (which after living here for 23 years, I've yet to see any of. Martha Stewart seems to be hoarding most of it.) In order to get the money into their accounts, the lending companies offer commissions to the financial planners, advertising material, and loads of chotchki's. For example, I have a rubber duck wearing a graduation cap and holding a diploma on my desk from AIM Investments. College funds CAN be whimsical.

Yesterday, in addition to my ridiculous mail load, every planner and some additional staff received a small box. In it was confetti, a card that said "Is your broker dealer on TOP of its game?" and, you guessed it, a top. It lights up when you spin it. Brilliant. Mug lady got one too. She was looking through her stacks of mail and saw the box. She said (quite pointedly) "What the heck is this?" -she really said "heck," as soon as she swears at me I'll have extensive words for her, which in reality will just end up here. So, anyways, I answer with "It's a top!" I smiled; everyone else had been amused by the tops so far. A few people had stolen a few for their children and I could hear them spinning on desks. Dr. Jekyll says "One that spins?" "Yes," I say sheepishly, expecting the impending explosion. "UGH!" yells Ms. Hyde as she throws it (THROWS. IT.) straight into the garbage can. I had/still have no words. She is officially the opposite of fun, happiness, and all that is good.

2. Why title my blog "Adventures with Abe?" Why not "Stinkin' Lincoln," or "Facilitate This!"? Well, because in my early explorations of my company's website I stumbled upon some gems. One might wonder where I got a color photo of Abe for my profile. That, my friends, is just the start. Abe is a man of adventure, he's not afraid to mingle with the common man at work, in leisure, or assisting in daily activities. I'll offer you a little teaser of what is to come:

"No, Former President Lincoln, it says here that you're dead. Like really dead. But I think everyone enjoys your hat. Why are you guys taking notes?"

posted by LauraDorf @ 9:11 AM 0 comments

11/11

"[Abraham Lincoln] served as a captain in a company of the Illinois militia drawn from New Salem during the Black Hawk War, although he never saw combat. "
-From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Moral of the story: Abe was a veteran and I shouldn’t have to work today.

posted by LauraDorf @ 1:24 PM 0 comments

The Mug

There is a woman here who will remain nameless. I was warned by the family friend who got me this job that she has a Dr. Jekyl / Mr. Hyde persona that everyone loves OH so much. Said woman has been described as “difficult” and also “ridiculous.”

She is an assistant to a financial planner. She is not anyone’s boss, however Everyone must answer to Ms. Hyde. She lives above all of the rules, but makes up her own guidelines which everyone must follow. Also, she’s a complainer, which is where the Jekyl/Hyde comes in. She can be ok and almost nice sometimes, but all other times she’s Debbie Downer to a T. It’s incredible, really. And what I’ve heard from others is that she used to be worse…

She has a mug. It is large – I’d say 16 oz. – it’s the same size as a narrow travel mug. It is ceramic; purple with flowers. I’ll admit it; it’s a nice mug.

One morning last week, we came into the office to hear her whining more than usual. She was mumbling (the LOUDEST mumble I’ve ever been in contact with) things like, “I can’t believe it happened again!” “Why would someone do that?” Now, at this point, I didn’t know what she was referring to, however I could pretty much answer the “why” question using a description of her character alone.

I felt bad (this was when I was still really new and trying to make friends.) And then, I saw this in the kitchen:

(Oh CameraPhone, I love you.)

Stealing a mug, especially a purple one is right up my alley, no lie. But this time it was NOT me. And honestly, if people had known me at the time, it would have been harder to prove my innocence. Luckily I was the new girl and I got to sit back and watch. I can only hope that she reacts so phenomenally over small inconveniences in the future.

As far as I know, the mug was never recovered. I have a few hypotheses. I’ve seen a tall flower mug on her desk, perhaps a replacement, or she herself misplaced it, found it, and brought it back to work quietly. It will forever be a mystery...


… because Lord knows I won’t be making small talk to find out what happened to her anytime soon.

posted by LauraDorf @ 1:50 PM 0 comments

3rd grade humor

These are some of our clients’ names that make me giggle.  This list will be updated constantly, I hope.

Nimrod
Weiner
Horr
Durr      

posted by LauraDorf @ 10:49 AM 0 comments

Good morning!

"Good Morning, Sagemark Consulting, Lincoln Financial Advisors..." is how I answer the phone (before lunch - after lunch I throw in a 'Good Afternoon')

This is my life.

I file -extesively
I order stuff from Staples
I sign for and send FedEx, DHL, FedEx Ground, UPS packages
I observe everyone else

Quick run down:
Sagemark Consulting - a Member of Lincoln Financial Group
Our office: approx. 45 employees consisting of a core Admin. staff (me and 2 others - both female and my bosses), one branch manager, 30 Financial Planners (5 female, 25 male) who are contracted by Lincoln (somehow not Lincoln Employees... this is where it gets tricky) and their assistants (all female). ALL over 35 years old, a majority over 45. I'm 23.

I have worked here for 4 weeks. I have recieved 2 paychecks. I will have benefits for the first time since college starting on December 17th. I am counting the days.

I was out of work for a months of June and September of 2005... no matter how much I whine about things here please note,I am NOT complaining/ungrateful/taking this job for granted*.

(*This is really just to remind myself to quit ma bitchin')

posted by LauraDorf @ 10:26 AM 0 comments