Adventures with Abe

Friday... what?

Today is starting out to be a WONDERFUL day

I had the windows open & Pat Benetar blasting all the way to work

I got here a few minutes late - but 20min before H

I actually have a specific task to complete today, so it should go by quickly

Free lunch

Yesterday, H decided we were shutting down our office today at 2 on account of good weather.

Happy freakin' spring!

posted by LauraDorf @ 9:02 AM 2 comments

It's Official! (x2)

Today I got not one nameplate but TWO!

One for my cubicle (which also has a plant) and one for my mailbox.

I have been wearing my mailbox label around as a nametag for about an hour now, and no one has noticed. Maybe I should wear a nametag with a different name everyday.

I hope the receptionist does not try to put the mail down my shirt. I will return my tag now.

posted by LauraDorf @ 11:59 AM 0 comments

Who Moved My Chocolate?

There is a criminal at large here at Sagemark -

Compilations of witness statements, security camera footage, and tire track marks have been gathered, and we believe this is the man we are looking for:

He is wanted for pilfering chocolates and various sweet treats (caramel-filled is his favorite), public defication, not wearing a helmet, and making older women squeal, lift up their feet, and build barricades around their desks with trash bins. I can only assume he rides a motorcycle, seeing as the office is so large and the weather is warming up nicely outside.

He had been spotted on foot two weeks ago, and scurried into a cubby, a make-shift garage I'm sure. A pair of very small glasses has also been found (formed out of a large staple). Only a mouse of ill repute and a life of crime could afford to leave these behind, what with insurance rates for rodents being so high these days.

Last Thursday, I opened up my middle file drawer where I was keeping note pads and Hershey's Select chocolate box (a birthday present.) I noticed some extra brown spots on the pads, and instantly wondered if I had gone into an ambien induced eating nap and slopily left bits of chocolate in my drawer. Upon closer inspection, I discovered it was poop. Yes, mouse poop in my drawer intermingled with cardboard shavings from my very nibbled chocolate box inside of which, one caramel and peanut filled chocolate was heavily gnawed upon. After showing everyone in the office the gross (but also really cute... dee dee dee) tooth/paw marks in my chocolates, I threw out the box.

This morning, while looking for a note pad, I found some more feces. It seems that the culprit broke into my drawer once again, but upon finding that the goods were gone, he angrily pooped on everything in sight. A (very) small sketch of a mouse flicking me off was also found at the scene of the crime.

If this happens again, I will have to go to extreme measures, I'm afraid.

Consider this a warning, Mr. Mouse:

posted by LauraDorf @ 10:49 AM 2 comments

Old Dogs

We used to have 2 copiers. They were old. One of them stopped working right a few weeks ago. Both copiers were fairly unreliable, they would get paper jams often but when one made freight train-esque noises while trying to copy, we knew it was time for a change. My old boss put a sign on it that said "This Copier is Not Well" with a big sad face. I was surprised at how many people moved the sign and had documents eaten by the copier.

We called in our usual repairman and he took one listen and said "no." Our office manager came out of her office to replace the first sign with one that said "RIP, The Copier, Over 1,000,000 Copies - You will be missed." Then we waited.

We waited for 3 weeks with one crappy copier and one very dead copier. Yesterday, our dreams came true. We received not one, but TWO new copiers. Color copiers that will also scan, fax, and print! Guess how happy everyone is...

... they're not. I think I can safely say that the amount of complaining yesterday and today is about equal to the day when the other copier was pulled out of commission. Personally, I love it. It does everything - the color is crystal clear, it can punch holes, collate, staple, enlarge, reduce.... Oh the shenanigans that are possible with this new piece of machinery are seemingly endless!! (I'm thinking life-sized posters of my co-workers, but I have no specific plans yet)

Because I'm literate, under 30, and not intimidated by a piece of office equipment, I've become the New Copier Tutor of the office. I had to walk about a half-dozen people through the process of copying yesterday and again today. It goes like this (in case you find yourself standing in front of a new Canon copier):

1- put what you want to copy in the top (conveniently EXACTLY the same place we used to put our originals on the old machines.)

2- press the big, round green button that says "start" (it looks a lot like the big, round green button that says "start" on our old copier, also on our current Canon fax machine...)

3- (and this is the tricky part, since it is the one new feature on normal copies) the copy comes out UNDERNEATH where you put the original.

4- unless you want to photocopy your face or middle finger for greeting cards with me, go away.

(I wish this woman really worked at my office.)

posted by LauraDorf @ 1:50 PM 0 comments

I won't apologize, I'll just explain why I'm so busy...

I work for 3 planners:

H - He's the boss, gave me UCONN tickets to two men's games, and took Sheryl and me out to lunch on Friday. He is very nice, but can get very mad if things aren't going well. Overall, I like him.

S - She needs everything yesterday. She does everything at the last minute. She gets amazingly upset when practically everything goes (suprisingly) wrong while she tries to prepare RIGHT before seeing clients. Right now (4:15pm) I'm watching her prepare for this afternoon's 4 o'clock meeting.

E - He sucks. He is old (73?), rich, works part time, has a horrible wife, and does not understand computers. He has a really nice laptop - which he totes everywhere in a weird woman's bag. He uses it like a typewriter. He doesn't save any documents, he types letters and prints them out for me to retype and put on letterhead. He has a Blackberry - which he uses to check e-mail in the car, at the store, etc. (I don't want to think of all the places one could sit and read e-mail...) After reading my e-mails, instead of writing back, he'll call instantly to let me know he got it and offer no useful response. He has a Bluetooth cellphone earpiece - which he uses to yell into while walking all over the office.

Sheryl is also an assistant. I've known her forever, she's how I got a job here (all in all a good thing, although I complain...) She has 2 sons, 19 and 23. We ride to work together sometimes and answer the morning radio trivia questions, but never call in. We take long lunches when H isn't here, and oh the gossip! Also, she always has a season-appropriate snack treat on her desk next to the bowl of WintOgreen Lifesavers. This week: JollyRancher jelly beans. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking some up. They are so choice.

posted by LauraDorf @ 10:58 AM 2 comments